Confession time!
It’s been a LONG few days. I’m tired. The girls have been sick. Brandon has been sick. I’m probably getting sick. Naps have been shorter (check out my instagram video). A dear friend gave me a TON of clothes that her girls have outgrown, so I’ve been sorting and reorganizing the girls’ closet. Our house was a complete disaster zone. We’ve done 8,000 loads of laundry. I’ve worked really hard today trying to get things back in order. I’m TIRED.
So naturally, when we heard Ellie start crying on the monitor, Brandon and I both urged the other to go soothe her. I had just gotten comfy on the couch after making dinner and cleaning up. We were in the middle of an intense episode of Blacklist. Feet propped up, blanket on me, snug as a bug. Utterly exhausted. But, fine. I’ll go put in her paci for the millionth time.
As I got up there, she had gotten herself so worked up and was quite the opposite of happy. I picked her up, dug around for the paci & her bunny, and plopped down in the chair to rock her back to sleep. She was still fussy and squirmy, and I was frustrated that she wasn’t calming down.
And then it hit me. Major conviction. Here I was holding my precious baby girl, sound asleep (finally) in my arms, and I was upset about it. I had complained about having to get out of my comfy spot on the couch. I was annoyed that she had woken up. I was doing everything that I swore I would never do. I was reminded of how many women in this world would give anything to have a baby–her own baby–to rock to sleep. Because I was that woman for two years. I had longed so deeply for a baby to hold and care for and love. I was envious of all my friends who had babies. I hated when they complained about a lack of sleep, or being in “baby jail”. It hurt my heart to hear someone griping about how her baby kept her up all night. At that point, I would have given anything to be kept awake by my baby. Yet, God had other plans for me. And I wouldn’t trade my journey for anything in this world.
So, I began to pray over my sweet EllieBug. I asked forgiveness for my selfish attitude. I thanked God for choosing me to be Mommy to these precious babies. I prayed that He would let her sleep peacefully tonight. And I prayed that I would never take those moments for granted. I realized that I was incredibly lucky to be pulled out of my comfy spot to get to snuggle my baby girl. I am beyond blessed to have three precious girls wake me up multiple times throughout the night. Being tired throughout the day is evidence of a beautiful, crazy life that I wouldn’t change for anything.
In whatever phase of life you are currently in, take time to praise God for what he has blessed you with. Whether you’re a mom or still longing for a family. Whether you’re single or married, working or a student, grieving a loss or rejoicing over new life, moving to a new city or feeling restless in your current environment. You are surrounded by evidence of God’s love and mercy, His faithfulness and goodness. Doing laundry means you have clothes to wear. Packing lunches means you have precious mouths to feed and kiss. Studying for exams means you are lucky enough to receive an education. Waking up early for work means you are able to provide for your family.
Underneath It All 